Unapologetically Bitchy

herexellence

Who is your mother? I had to ask cause I sometimes see and hear things that leave me wondering how some people ended up who they are today, who taught them, or failed to teach them, how to behave? I am talking about men who cheat on the women who hold them down; boyfriends who want to be treated like husbands but won’t give you a straight answer as to who/what you two have; fathers who batter the mother to their children; deadbeat husbands  who wait on their wives to provide for them; and the worst of them all, deadbeat fathers.

6ea37ba7fd16c3775274b041d892738a

“People only hurt you when you let them” The saying goes. I guess that makes the women in their lives the ones to blame, not entirely but for the most part at least. Yes, we are the mothers who mothered them, we are the wives who nature their behavior…

View original post 890 more words

Advertisements

Baby Arianna Kanyihu

Baby leg

Just the other day  I was flipping through my baby Album pictures  and I saw how my mom and Dad took pictures of me and labeled them how old I was for special memories . And at that moment I felt so  sweet and heartfelt and at that moment I knew on a deeper level how very wanted I was and how special I was to my mom  and Dad ,even before my parents met me they took pictures of the bump to show me one day I was the one inside her tummy.It has always been important to me that I make a conscious choice to become a parent and that I wait until I’m really ready to take on the responsibilities of parenthood But at times things don’t happen the way planned . 

8 9 months

So here I am, just 4 to 6 weeks away from my “guess date” and I’ve decided to write a letter to my baby to welcome him or her. I notice that the closer I get to giving birth, the more my thoughts are turning inward.  I’m beginning to focus on the center of my universe more than ever before.  I’m preparing my nest,and enjoying the quiet alone times.   So, rather than sharing some new parenting tip or technique blah blah,  I’m just sharing from my own heart.  And I hope you enjoy this special blog.  So, here’s my letter to my about to be born baby.

123 monthsDear Baby Arianna Kanyihu,

Wow, you’re almost here and am so excited to finally meet you. I have been waiting for you for 9 long months and pretty soon I will get to see you, touch you, and gaze into your beautiful eyes.  I’m especially looking forward to holding you in my arms and nuzzling your sweet smelling head.  Let’s spend hours together just cuddling, nursing, sleeping, and enjoying life together. I can’t wait to be your mama.  I’ve been preparing to be the best mama  since I discovered I was expectant with you and I feel so ready to welcome you into my life.  I’ve studied everything I could about how to be a good parent, how to help you learn and grow, and how to be the best example I can be for you and your brother.  Taking care of you and teaching you how to take good care of yourself sounds like the most fun and rewarding thing I could possibly do in my life.  Thanks for helping me fulfill my life’s purpose.Oh I forgot to tell you am loud and my laugh is so loud as well so please don’t cry or get afraid when you hear me talking or laughing lol that’s  just me your mama . Just wait till you meet your Big  brother.  He’s fantastic.  I just know he’s going to be such a wonderful brother to you,he has the  biggest, most beautiful heart, his name is Dylan. Well he talks a lot at times and I honestly feel like I can mute him if there was a remote control available but just know he is an awesome brother who is playful and ready to sing for you baby Jesus song when you cry.  He cares so deeply,that he has always reminded me to take my pregna care medicine. At first he had not yet come to terms another baby is coming but with time he now understands and welcomes you as well.I completely trust him to take exquisite care of you when you need him always  which is really the most important task of been a big brother.  And on top of all that, he’s hilarious!  we are sure to have lots and lots of laughter and fun in our home.

4 5 months

Arianna you have to embrace yourself because you have crazy Aunties,there are sick, well not that sick like admission type but lets just say the ones who are supposed to be checked in to a mental hospital, I guess ward 7 Mathare hospital suits them.All in all I love them so much they have helped me so much ,made me laugh and encouraged me when I felt like all is not well.I must admit baby you have made me so emotional.I would cry like every time, anywhere But as one of your aunt who is a strong woman wrote to me A quote I shall always remember. She said “Strength is a hard thing to master…..I have realized that accepting weakness is strength in itself”.I wont lie to you baby it was not easy at first when I discovered I was pregnant with you,I had to make tough decisions which led to losing some people and somethings But I don’t regret any of the decision I made because at the end of the tunnel I know the joy you have/shall bring into my life .As the saying goes A baby is never a mistake,A surprise sometimes But never a mistake,A baby is always a Blessing and I wish everyone would know that and stop the killing and throwing away of innocent  souls.There is someone out there who cant bring forth such a beautiful soul and it hurts them so much to see all this cruelty going on.Baby Arrianna  some did Reject you, but as Td Jakes preaches and say let them walk for no one is tied to your destiny.You are loved by so many baby and never feel like you were a mistake. OK, enough of that am getting emotional.I remember the first day I went for a scan at Nairobi hospital you were 18 weeks and I was with Juliet known as mama Aiden. I wanted to tear up just the fact of seeing you for the first time and been told you are OK BUT I couldn’t cry nor allow myself to be emotional because I was with one emotional person woi Juliet would have cried till I would be  the one trying to calm her down lol,Told you have special aunts.I recall how I kept looking at the scan and cried and prayed that all shall be well and here we are, Imela Papa.Clinic days started and all was always OK.Until one day I broke down Honestly It was unexpected but I broke down not that I had bad result from the doctor but its because I had so much expectation and wished so many things would be OK but the truth of the matter they were not but as it is I have managed to brush them off and here we are Baby.

6months

Happiness starts within yourself Never wait for someone to ever come and make you happy.I learnt that Baby the hard way but I had a choice to make.A choice to enjoy this pregnancy no matter what comes my way,to floss my baby bump,to dress my bump so well and to be the prettiest paged woman,to go out of towns and dancing.To love my self and never be sad or mad since baby it was going to affect you.It was hard yes at first but God is able to make a way out of no way.It is always the darkest just before dawn of a new day.If you just hold on,things are going to get better.God does not put more on you than you can bear.So all the trials we go through are always to make us strong and to hold on and never to give up and here we are  with Gods grace I made it through Arianna .One of my deepest hopes is that we can always communicate openly with each other, that no matter what’s happening, you know you can always come to me, share whatever’s on your heart and I will  always love you no matter what.  There may be times when we wont  like each other very much, but even then, please know, that I love you dearly, deeply, and without conditions.  And even in times when you think you don’t, I will remember that you love us me and your brother.  Because that’s how it is in our family, we practice unconditional love and acceptance no matter what the circumstances. So, welcome to life on Earth, and welcome to your family.  May you be surrounded by love, inspired to learn and grow, and always know that you are deeply cherished.

 

7months

8mnths

So much love,

Your Mom I’m curious

MY PROBLEM SERVES A PURPOSE.

You know,sometimes in life,situations are going to occur where you may look to the left or right and you cant find any answers and you cant find anybody to help you but I am reminded of the word that says, “they that wait upon the Lord, He shall renew there strength. They shall mount up on the wings as eagles. They shall run and not be weary. They shall walk and not faint… Come on…..this words are so hard for someone to hold on to when all is falling apart.But the scripture says, You’ve got to learn how to wait…..on God.
When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don’t throw away your ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engine. As much as it is hard at times to Trust in God no matter how dark your situation. GOD says, “Your are coming out!”
Now don’t get it like am trying to preach BUT this are some of this scripture sayings,I have to admit they have helped me stay sane when all has not been working out for me. Sometimes life will try to push you down, discredit you,dismiss you or make you feel like there is nothing good in your future. But always remember, when life counts you out, God counts you in. He has the final say!And as much as we may have doubts in our faith at times always remember this God did not bring you this far to leave you. Move past the disappointment and the doubt. You have been armed with the strength for every battle. No weapon formed against you is going to prosper. NOTHING can snatch you out of Gods hands…YOU WILL MAKE IT!!

It all started in May when all was not ok for me at all.Some things that knocked me down completely, I didn’t think I would have the strength to rise up at all. But here I am,lord its all your doing.They was a time Tears could not dry in my eyes I slept crying woke up crying,I wailed over and over didn’t have strength to even call on you, but you stretched your hand towards me.When my life was going the opposite direction, you taught me that its not about changing my place of work, changing my church or giving up,You showed me Its all about casting my faith deep in you God, casting my fellowship with Jesus deep in believing that God always provide, heal, restore, uplift, deliver, revive, and bring blessings and favor along your way. You assured me that no one can define me by the past mistakes I have made. We all make them,but the real shame lies in not learning the lessons inherent in those mistakes.
There are people who know my falls than when I rise up… I let them KNOW now am not the same person I was, Am just a working progress……
I have Moved on and never shall I give up because of one bad chapter in my life.. my story does not end there…………….when GOD FORGIVES HE FORGIVES!!

 

 

 

 

 

TIME IS WHAT LIFE IS MADE UP OF.

Your time is a gift that you get to choose the recipients of. Giving someone the gift of your time is the most valuable gift you can give for this very reason – money you spend on someone can be gotten back, but the time you spend with them cannot.

When you start realizing that your supply is not endless, it is much easier to raise your standards when deciding who you want to spend your valuable hours with. The next time you feel like someone isn’t treating you the way you deserve or a situation isn’t helping you grow or progress in life, remember this:

If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made up of.

Life can easily become frantic, and crazy, and a little unpredictable – but we owe it to ourselves to slow it down every now and then and just enjoy it. To enjoy each other, to enjoy what we have worked so hard to achieve. To pause in the middle of chasing after the elusive happiness we all crave, and just…be happy.

We have to pause every now and then, take a look at the time that we do have, and ask ourselves one simple question…

The question is – how are you going to use it?

DECISIONS DEFINES DESTINY.

life pic

Life can be unfair at times and at times its can be the sweetest thing one could have. We undergo through things that we sit back and wonder how we got out of that situation. There are things that we undergo that really teach us a lesson, some that leave a mark in our hearts, not necessarily bad marks but also good marks. In Life we get to meet people who we regret why we meet and at times we meet people that we are always thankful of till death. In life we commit into things that will end up breaking us and hurting us, but at times we commit to things that build us and brings the best out of us. In life we choose to risk, at times we don’t risk. In life we make worse decision and the repercussion we get afterword’s they hurt us break us turn us into something else that we never thought we would be. Whoever said Decisions  defines Destiny he nailed it. What we do today will affect our life’s in due time. Not necessarily all decisions affect us But I can attest to some decision I have made will forever haunt me and will forever change something’s in my life till death. I was/have been making choices just to appease the opinions of people around me, when I should have been making choices to appease myself. At some point we all agree life sucks and at times we tend to think of a remedy which of course does not always work well. At the end of it all that’s when we realize the remedy we have  been using does not help us at all. I choose to start making my own choices to live a more fulfilling life.

We have to realize that our lives could be gone in a moment. There are no guarantees that we will be here at this time next year. Learn to live each day to the fullest.(Joel Osteen)

I AM A NYERI WOMAN!!

offhandish

It is very hard to be a Nyeri woman right now.I am currently writing this from an underground tunnel where I have taken refuge after I received percieved threats,mostly suspicious glances .

You can imagine today as I got to work,it’s as if I had a memo on my forehead in bold neon screaming ‘I am a Nyeri Woman!!’ because everyone seemed to drift farther from me,no,not the illusion or mind tricks,they literally did!

I will start by apologizing to all men and women for the crimes of my sisters.That stashed away,let us get to the bottom of this…

Why is this happening again?Why have we found it necessary to emasculate our men in the most humiliating way?What happened to all the talk about a woman being the face of her home?What are we teaching our children?Do you have male children?Would you like such a tragedy to befall them while you’re…

View original post 540 more words

PAIN

All about deviant love, same love, different love. Darkness, light....or lack of.

I didn’t know what pain was.

Pain isn’t sitting in your room, the music blasting into the earphones ruining your eardrums; you pretending the world has stopped at that exact moment, because your heart’s been metaphorically ripped to shreds and society doesn’t understand you and your sexuality doesn’t fit and your sailor tongue has capsized and you’re unravelled and you’re too tired to try and save it.

Pain isn’t watching your friend walk away or your dog lie on your favourite seat chewing on your favourite heel then throwing it back at you like some tasteless bone. Because if you’re going to lose one friend then you might as well lose them all and your arms are sore and your chest hurts, but night is coming and somehow you’re sure you’ll remember how to breathe by then.

Pain isn’t sitting in the kitchen with your sister sobbing in the corner…

View original post 283 more words

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DYLAN

DYLAN PIC

Dear Dylan ,

Today, you are five.

I love you.
I love you a thousand times, and then a thousand times over again.
We butt heads, sometimes.
We blow up at each other, sometimes.
It always comes back to I love you,I will always  whisper into your ears in the night, kiss onto your eyelids when you are  asleep ,Hold you tight  when you have a bad dream.
All because I love you son.KIAMA 2

You spend hours playing, asking me how to spell words . You are so very bright, so attentive, so independent and yet so loving.
We’ve had a difficult years, but we have made it to where we are.
sometime it feels like an impossibly big job , this task of raising you up into the man that you will become. I’m not sure if I’m good enough or big enough or enough enough, but son  I try.I may never be enough but I will always try.
I have done my best to surround you with stability and happiness and love.

DYLAN 1

Today, on your fifth birthday, I want you to know that I’m proud of you.
I love you, and I and will always love you and I wish you the happiest day.
I wish you the happiest future, and I will do my best to make it for you.

It is a joy to be your mother.

Have the happiest day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

LET GO!

 

Letting go of things that have weighed you down is never easy at times but in due time you wil find that it necessary to let some things go simply for the reason that they’re heavy on your heart and soul.At times people ought to think you are giving up when you let go of somethings in your life but the truth is you are not weak it only means you are strong enough to let go

Often We replay past mistakes over and over again in our head, allowing feelings of shame and regret to shape our actions in the present. We cling to frustration and worry about the future, as if the act of fixation somehow gives us power. We hold stress in our minds and bodies, potentially creating serious health issues at times. I have come to learn that there will never be a time when life is simple. There will always be time to practice accepting that. Every moment is a chance to let go and feel peaceful

Most of us find ourselves in such situations where you’re fighting or holding on to something so dearly because your scared of what is ahead of you. I have  been in different situations; jobs,friendship, business deals, relationhips, however the one thing I have learnt from all this is that what lies ahead is usually something so amazing that when you get it, you wonder why you were holding on to something that pales in comparison. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying don’t fight for what you believe in with all you’ve got. I’m just saying when you’re fighting that battle ask yourself if you will like the outcome. When you are in that battlefield just ask yourself this question; Will I like the outcome?From where I’m standing that’s the same question I’m asking myself. I am  fighting  a battle with my heart; Will  it be worth? Is it a war that deserves  my tears and pain? Will  I like the outcome? Only time will tell.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aside  from Life,as human beings the greatest gift God gave us is love.Its an amazing feeling that sometimes words find inadequate to describe.